i wasnt late for once.. today's sermon was good. it was like a wake up call thing.

after service, went to jumbo's with ms low and evelyn. talked about..... many many many things. and people. yupp. being judgemental and all larhs.

afterwhich was more talking to evelyn at delifrance. and we heard the song sugarrush and we went like.. OH MAN THE SONG WHEN WE LIKED................... hahahhahaha. how stupid. and how holland holds so many memories for us. the friendship. and we were talking about relationships and commitment. as ive always said, im commitment-phobic. thus the reason why im not serving in church, or in a cell. cos i dont think i can take the commitment that comes along to it. i never liked commitment in any areas of my life. and yet being the selfish me, i expect commitment from the people i love. read, family and friends. how selfish can i get.

okay. bukit timah after that to meet edric, cj, wilson and godfrey. wasnt in a very good mood when i was there. no. make it i was in a damn foul mood. sorry. ya.

its gonna rain. good. i like rainy days. its as though the sky is crying on my behalf. maybe i should just stop thinking too much.

i just got a hugeee scolding from my dad just cos my computer cant access his stupid income tax shit. dammit.

anywayy went to holland to meet denise and ian in the evening. talked about funny stuff.. yadayada..

damn tired now. im sorry ive been ignoring u guys. really sorry. i guess i need to set my thinking straight.

i think i should go out with evelyn more often. that way i can cut down on my cig intake. yesterday i only smoked 6 sticks. how about that.. and i was out from 3 till 12? normally it would already be 20 sticks. i should keep this up. save money and stay healthy.

they're all in sentosa and they're not answering my calls!!!!!! how mean. should be meeting denise in holland.. town is so damn boring these days. no, make that.. town is damn boring since i dunno when.

how to tell my mom that im going to a 3 days 2 nights chalet?

just got home.. had lunch at home today and went to meet eve in town. haha. walked around awhile and then jeremy came to meet us.. watched gospel of john. quite nice but i was freaking freezing in it..

then we met mark for dinner.. talked rubbish.. and went to orchard tower??? ya. to see homos. and home..

im really sorry i didnt go to boatquay... really sorry.

made edric come down to bkt png just now for lunch with me and off we went to heeren.. i saw like 3 mambo bags that i like and this damn nice mambo top. haha. soon.. after i work. yayy.

went to jurong to meet denise.. slacked around and off we went to mambo billards.. and i actually can play today. quite well. how great.

anyone wants job? msg me on my guestbook or something.

tomorrow's plan is novena, lasalle and town with evelyn.
saturday should be sentosa with edric and jason.
sunday will be church.
monday to wednesday will be godfrey's chalet.
thursday is the day i start work.

*stole this from bek's blog.. haha. yes im this bored..

*10 important things inside your backpack/schoolbag/purse:
- my commedesgarcon wallet.
- baby wipes / winniethepooh packet tissues.
- lip gloss.
- hair wax.
- keys.
- lighter / cigs
- phone.
- superrr aunty-ish fan.
- neoprints / pictures of the people i lovee.
- pilor g-tec.

*9 things that you really want right now:
- God to speak to me. lasalle or poly.
- marc jacob's shoes AND bags.
- gucci tote bag.
- maharishi and seven's pants/jeans.
- anteprima multi colored or silver bag.
- prada handphone strap.
- nokia 7200.
- miumiu specs.
- louisvuitton wallet.

*8 of your favourite foods:
- bacon and ham spaghetti from L'Emozione
- nasi lemak cooked by the old maid.. (no not my mom, literally our old maid.)
- chocolate banana cake from the cheesecake cafe in siglap.
- novena's prawn noodles.
- mom's chicken curry.
- plaster prata at thomson.
- boontongkee's chicken rice.
- mud pies.

*7 of your closest friends (not in order):
- jen
- evelyn
- denise
- wai
- cat
- cj
- bran


*6 of your fave movies:
- clueless
- toy story
- save the last dance
- moulin rouge
- peter pan
- home alone

*5 things in your room:
- 4 door wardrobe stuffed with bags and clothes.
- dell desktop.
- bed.. on the floor.
- mambo poster and danny's artwork on the walls.
- loads of mags. and photos.

*4 things you ate/drank today:
- iced water. iced water. iced water.
- mom's cooking. or wait.. is it the maid's?
- milo powder. its damnnnn nice.
- fries from mac's.

*3 things you couldn't live without:
- family and friends.
- freedom.
- God.

*2 things you usually read:
- life section of the papers.
- mags.

*1 person you can't forget:
- this teacher in st marg's who talked to me when i went back to smss last year to appeal in.

my sister is nice to me this week. my mom is a bitch this week.
my sister was a bitch last week. my mom was nice last week.

they take turns.

just got home.. didnt come home last night. was at jen's chalet.

anyway now ive got BLACK hair....... did glossing yesterday at toni and guy. its some semi permt color thing with treatment. met edric and accompanied him to nuh. waited so long just to let the docs press his leg and pay twenty bucks.

went to jen's chalet and decided to stay over.. damn funny. bitching and talk about everyone.. haha. and talking about sex. lol.

watched horror shows and scared ourselves silly.

my exodus shoe broke. im damn sad.

oh yes. my face is peeling.... big time. and now i look like an albino child...... and its damn painful.

okay.. im the hair model for the toni&guy hairshow on 9th march.. damn. wonder what i'll have to wear.. grrr.

did my hair today. styling only.. color tomorrow!!!! yay!!!

hrrmsss. weird.

im at the toni&guy at robinson's. hair is superrr dry now. ugh.

gonna come down again tomorrow for a color job. yayy!

im hungry and im suffering from a desperate lack of cigs.

went to bukit batok just now with like the singapore's population of 5566's fans.... met cj, edric, jason, dogfrey, sister and denise for coffee..

hair appointment tomorrow at toni&guy. ugh. at freaking ten am. what the hell. but at least its at the new one at raffles place..

i had to go allllll the way to bukitgombak to meet edric cos he's whole knee was bandaged.. went to town to meet denise, john, cj, sister and wilson.

got a job at this place called secret garden. its a damn nice restaurant chill out kinda place.. but its only 5per hour. so im still thinking about it..

went fishing at pasir ris with jacob, john, huang, denise, roy and melly. damn funny. cos we didnt even catch anything and everytime i try to throw the rod thingy, something will just get stuck. and everytime someone throws it, i'll go.. "oh my, its the furthest ive seen today."

okay. improvement. didnt smoke so much today! yay.

slept at 4 this morning and woke up at 730 to go to the beach!!

i dont know whats this with me and meeting ronny(s) outta the blue. yesterday i saw ronny from church. today i saw ronny from school.

met edric, jason, yh and jeff and we took the nel thingy! haha. i ate so much today i prolly gained 2kgs or something. ate plaster prata at the hawkercentre before we went to sentosa. i wanna go to sentosa more often!!!!! alot alot more often! haha. must go on weekdays when the school kids are IN SCHOOL. while the guys were playing beach volleyball, cj and i went to swim and tan! haha. and then when denise came we tanned again.. and took many many pictures. all black and white. how cool right? we took alot of arty farty shots. haha. its for cj's project. and then i ate a tunamayo bread thingy. which sucked. before i swam, no missed calls. after tanning and swimming.. 8 missed calls. whoa. haha. oh we were doing stunts in the sea.. cj, edric, denise and i. haha. damn funny.

left around 6ish and had dinner at the hawkercentre and i ate fish porridge. ugh. sinful. so muchhhh food. in a day. went over to denise's house for fun after that. and the guys decided that they wanted to play pool at mambo billards. and i was like, "huhhh? mambo? zouk? heeren?" how dumb. went to eat hor fun ( see, eating again. ) at fei hong. which has damn nice horfun!!! :) but today's one tasted a little weird.

i seriously need to quit smoking soon. today alone, denise and i shared two hard packs. which is like fucking 19bucks already. and yesterday was one pack.. we can just die. and yesterday we only met from like 5ish till 9ish. everytime we talk, we smoke. everytime we smoke, we talk.. get the point? and on top of that, we freeloaded edric and yh's cigs when we ran outta them today. so its like fucking 20+ sticks today.

im not using retro phone already okay. thou its only a temp thing. ha.

i didnt get tanned at all!! boohoo! :(

went to holland just now and denise and i were both holding our giordano umbrellas!! hahah. met cj!! the dumb blond himbo. lol.

went to breko's and saw the serve people from church.. cj, denise and i were all sad sad people today. sigh. i wrote my sis this letter. but not sure whether i would give it to her.. still thinking about it.

went to windmill for dinner. saw ronny and i went over to sit with him for awhile. and then this guy iforgothisname came over to sit with us. i do remember he was from church thou. and both of them said something that is still bothering me.. "when i saw her last time, i didnt know she till turn out like this.. haha. last time so innocent." wth? agh.

i need to quit smoking. its damn expensive.

everyone in my family hates me now.
im serious.

i want to just kill myself already.
it will prolly make everyone so much happier.

its times like this i feel like cutting my wrist again. but its so dammit childish.
i need to smoke.
i wonder whats the feeling of jumping down. as we were saying the other day.... all the different methods to kill ourselves.

ive always thought this family is much better off without me.

i think friendster is damn screwed up la. evelyn wrote me a testimonial and i didnt even receive anything!!!!!

i think im down with cancer or something. (TOUCH WOOD)

my left hand has been trembling today. many many times.. and its damn scary.. i think its the effect of too much nicotine.

THE EYE TWO SUCKS. CHEAP THRILL MOVIE. DONT WATCH. DONT WATCH!!!!

okay. lets see.. met denise at international plaza today for my interview.. actually not really an interview.. they just wanted to ask me questions. idiot. had lunch at genki. and i ate my chawamushi AGAIN!! ive been eating it almost everyday.. oh the one at genki is damn nice.. thumbs up. best one so far.

went over to toni&guy school for denise to cut her hair by pohling.. and while i was sitting there waiting for her, this gay guy asked whether he could wash and blow dry my hair for me.. damn funny. throughout everything, i kept laughing.. or rather denise and i kept laughing. cos my cousin and his friends are in that school.. so they were all surrounding us.. saying stupid things.. haha. and it went something like that.. "at least i pervertic i look at girls leh. you look at guys one.. eeeyer." my cousin's friend said to the gay guy. hahha. i like my hair alot now. can i leave it like that forever? the gay guy wants to cut and color for me.. but i think i'd rather let my cousin do the job. or pohling.. safer. lol. and im coloring my hair again soon!!! yayyyyyY!!!! and this butch came and asked denise and i for our numbers cos she wants to use us for the hair show in may.. damn scary. haha.

went to lasamba to look for ben... damn funny. and the viet guy. lol. he's damn nice. and comical. went over to town to meet cat.. had dinner and then met wai. watched the eye. as ive said, its horrid.

oh i was telling myself today. "dont take out your nets. dont withdraw any money. dont shop anymore." AND THEN i went to exodus and i saw the nicest pair of white shoes ever. ( OKAY IM LYING. MARC JACOBS STILL WINS MY HEART. ) and they just came in today. AND its only 39.90. FURTHERMORE im in the inner circle.. so i get TEN percent off. okay. bottom line is, i bought it. boohoo.

i cant believe im up at this unearthly hour. the only time im actually up before noon is on sundays. and today is a tuesday.. goodness.

some agency just called me. asking me to go down for an interview.. dammit. tired!!!

the new utt show was so damn scary i swear.. im still damn freaked out now. and lets not talk about the time denise told me the scary joke at breko's at 5am in the morning.. while i was facing the quiet walawala's.. i got so freaked out my legs were trembling..

my sister is suddenly damn nice to me? i think she's crazy or something. or maybe she's just feeling nice.. she bought me the issey miyake fragrance.. le.feu d'issey. ive always liked it.. its one of the few frangrances no one knows cos they didnt really promote it big time.. was a hush hush thing. now now, where's my louisvuitton purse?

oh yes anyone wants to buy maharishi pants? black with some designs at the back.. SING 800 bucks. selling for US 500 on ebay.. its limited edition.. second hand.

im going to stay at home today to paint my nails.. its raining and im damn lazy to go out.. oh yes i just remembered that i left my umbrella in blackjack yesterday.. ugh!

supposed to meet jessy and cain for "catching up" dinner but im feeling damn lazy.. oops. sorry guys. soon okay?

woke up around 3 today cos i was on the phone with denise till 5 this morning..

my hair is like grass now. ugh. as in the green part la. and the whole style sucks now. its super outta shape.. the last time i cut it was like before chinese new year? now im thinking whether i should go back to toniandguy to cut it again, or just stick to my all time usual.. leong at thehairshop. leong will prolly see my green hair and get the shock of his life. and im thinking of getting rid of the green hair.. but what color next?

try by nelly furtado is damn nice.

march 20th is approaching!!!! postings!!!! im damn scared.. oh anyway zaki and cain will be going to lasalle.. their term starts in july. (duh?!) so they were saying like we could all hang out together.. hahaha. and then sit at the canteen and be critics. lol. how himbo, bimbo. and maybe bev would be joining us too! haha. but im still a little apprehensive on going to lasalle cos i have to do a year of foundation.. which means doing the sculptures and all... and im actually not a very arty farty person. i only wanna do fashion management. which is the management side of retail? and while i'll be slogging and trying damn hard to do my foundation.. zaki and cain will be happily relaxing doing their degree..

i like that familiar fuzzy feeling. its like as though things are all okayy again like before, but then again, who am i lying to? it will never be the same again.. yes?

oh guess what happened today.. or rather in the evening..

i put my cap in jeremy's paperbag.. and i handed him my louisvuitton bag together too. only thing was he didnt noticed.. so joseph, jeremy, denise and i got into the cab.. and jeremy put the bags down on the floor. when we reached holland, we went outta the cab and he left my bag there... and when we crossed the road i was like "eh where's my bag?" and then we realised that it was gone. i started whining and whining.. and i almost cried. cos my comme des garcon wallet was inside.. plus danny's phone.. and denise did the cleverest thing. she called my handphone.. and then jeremy did the second cleverest thing, he called comfort's hotline. and joseph did the stupidest thing. standing there and laugh while i was whining.

the cab driver was soooo nice! he came back and gave me my bag back. thank God.. i mean seriously. its like a one outta ten thingy that i will actually get my bag back.. i think the cab number was 8020 or something? ya.. indian man with white hair. so yar. im gonna stop being a racist. this is the second time such things happened to me this year. i remember i almost lost my phone around chinese new year? i left it at cine's ticket booth and they kept it for me.. and now my louisvuitton bag.. phewww. im going to be more careful with my things from now on.

just got home about fifteen minutes ago.. spent around 80bucks today. on idunnowhat.

lets see, met denise in town.. and we didnt buy cigs today!! amazing. haha. went to have lunch at pastamania.. ate so much. blarghs. and then we went to fareast with jeremy and joseph.. walked around the the guys did the shopping.. the girls did the choosing. lol. went to holland after dinner.. and met john! ate at bk. blarghs.. "tell me joke tell me joke!!!"

went over to breeko's after that.. we were telling each other ghost stories.. and it was so scary!! denise and john left around 10ish and they went up to look for the church people.. sat down talked awhile and left.

i need a job!!! badly.

i just had a decent conversation with my sister. its so fucking amazing i swear.

jie- you just woke up?
me- *yawns. yess.

usually this will be followed by some lecture.. but amazingly today, no.

so she called me to tell me that tasha has gastric flu and its damn bad. and she was complaining to me about the maid.. how she bought a phone and didn

denise and john left about 2ish.. haha. wahlao. laughed so much. till my tummy ached. upskirts, photos.. etc etc.

i think i'd better leave right now. before i fall any deeper.

hahaha. denise and john says hi to everyone. hahahha. they're at my place now. just came back from macs..

eyy i wasnt late today! amazing.. haha. aiyaaa. everyone is asking me to get rid of the green and stop doing things to my hair.. now its like grass! and they're all asking me to keep the hairstyle i had last dec and this year jan.. hrrms. but the only reason why im not keeping my hair that way again is because my sister and my bro in law likes it. so why should i please them? enlighten me please? and frankly, im quite sick of the green-ness in my hair. but the only reason why im not dying it to some other color is because my family hates it. why should i please them? enlighten me please?

sermon was gooood. i think. yupps. during sermon, evelyn and i were telling hazel how we went into burger king on friday with our burberry's and louisvuitton bags.... AND ASK FOR THE COUPONS. how unglam. check check. hahha.

hazel and evelyn just want to go allllllllll the way to padang and leave me alone. hrmf. no la. actually i just didnt felt like watching a rugby match. i'd rather be playing than watching.. get the idea? went over to bukittimah for lunch with cj, sisterr and denise.. good food.

i dont know whats this thing about me, crying on public transport. was at the church's bus-stop waiting for 74 earlier on.. and my sis decided to call me and SET SOME HOUSE RULES. what the fuck? she doesnt even live at my place anymore? does it matter to her what time i wake up every afternoon? and i keep my own shoes all the time okay. my fucking brother has been telling tales on me. some false ones. ass. he doesnt know that there isnt enough space in the shoe rack, hence the reason why i stack some of my shoes outside.. and is that my fault? the point here is, they're making me dislike them so much.... and that is the primary reason why i havent been home for dinner on weekdays. simply because i dont want to see them at all and hear the same old lectures all over again. the reason why im out alllll the time is because home, doesnt feel like home anymore. and my sis said something like. "whatever course you're gonna take up, you better graduate from it. because from the way you're behaving and your attitude, everyone.. not only me thinks that you will just be another drop out like your favourite brother. so why dont you just find a full time job now?" bitch. i cringe whenever they compare danny and i. everytime there's a lecture, i will only start crying at the mention of danny's name. cant they just keep him outta the whole picture cos he's in newyork?

i thinking of finding a part time job, shift out in july this year.

i just got home.. before midnight. amazing. and im home only because i had a curfew today. how pathetic... i had to be home before twelve. irritating. thank goodness its only a one day thing.

well. my brother decide to abuse his rights this afternoon when my dad was out. he gave me a hugeee scolding and all. bloody fucker. and so i left the house crying. and went to john's house crying too. how stupid. no actually i wasnt crying already. my eyes were all red. and once they opened the door for me, john went like.. "you really that sleepy? your eyes all red.." and denise went like.. "you cried? are u okay??" and i started crying all over again while eating home cooked yummilicious steamed egg.

went to the petshop at railway mall to look at CRIPS! the soon to be denise's new dog! hahaha. crippled. crips? get it? hahah. its damnnnnnnn cute... so adorable.. love love love. haha.

well took a cab from bukit timah to town and it was fucking 15 bucks cos of the bloody jam in town. grrr. and while we were at heeren's traffic light.. i called my mom..
me- "mommy, where are you?"
her- "heeren.. just finished our dinner."
me- "what?! you're in heeren?!!! where???" *passes john my cig. haha.
her- "lemongrass.. why?"
me- "oh okay.. call me when you're going home okay?" *takes my cig back.


didnt do much today.. ya. hrrm. his side view looks damn good. very. lol. yes yes yes? *nudge wai and denise..

on my way home, the taxi driver kept talking to me.. he went on and on......

i just woke up.. came home at EIGHT IN THE MORNING... damn tired..

lets see. evelyn and i met yesterday at about 1 and went job hunting till about 5. and no one wants us still. :( how depressing. afterwhich we went to town.. cine was so damn packed i swear. all the stupid S.H.E fans. crazy people.. evelyn and i went shopping and i bought an adidas cap!!

around dinner time i went to meet cat, steffi, caroline and this other guy. eh walked around.. sat around.. ate our dinner.. blahblah. and then wai came after work. and we went to meet leslie and wenhu in egames. haha. afterwhich denise and john came down and we were alll standing around telling racist jokes..

went to pyramid.. denise's aunty's pub or something.. ya. didnt drink much.. haha. played five ten with wai, uncle chris and john. and john just wants to sabotage me all the way.. lucky i only drank in sips.

rivervalley after that. plaster!! tomyam soup!! milo dino!! haha. holland village after that. breko's cos denise wanted hot milk. haha. i got my membership card already. lol. denise and john went home.. and thus wai and i made kelvin come to holland to meet us. oh we were at the wet market.. looking at the uncle chop the pig head and the pig trotters.. eww. and he knows all the st marg's teacher? they're his clients! haha. how dumb.

oh i called danny at 5.23AM.. which is 5.23PM over there and he was so shocked.. haha. i was complaining to him about everything.. what a bitch my sis has been.. how much my bro in law is talking now. too much.. how i saw enlai the other day.. everything.. he was looking at furniture. hrrms. miss him alottt. talked to him for 9min18sec. now i sound like some crazy sister.

wai and kelvin sent me home.. and i kept laughing on the bus ride.. non stop. PRAIGGG. lol.

okay. im still very sleepy. and i dont know what the plans are for today..

oh yes he was veryyyyyy mean to me yesterday. very very. and i was so upset. ask them.. i was whining the whole night. hrmf!

i bought an umbrella just now!!!!!! it was drizzling so i thought the rain would get heavier.. but it didnt!!! :(((( so i didnt get to use my new umbrella. how horrid.

anyways, met denise and john.. walked around... and then met cat. went to watch oh!brothers and cried myself silly. hahahha. went over to mambo and saw bev!!! again.. always seeing her around.. haha.

i wanna get the mambo cap!! but its freaking 39 bucks.. growls. hope no one gets it so i can get it one month later at staff price.. and i saw this damn nice pair of shoes at prettyfit.. but then again, its prettyfit. ewwww. but i think i should be getting it cos its only 19.90..... how cheap right?

now my hair is all tied up.. so aunty. ha.

just got home.. both my feet are freezing cos i was walking around today with a pair of wet shoes.. how horrid.

well.. went to town with denise.. hahah. went to blackjack and zaki just wants to tease me as usual..... hrmf! went over to taka and it started raining! amy mommy came to meet us.. haha. and we bought an umbrella from giordano... so glam so glam.. *rolls eyes* and while we were smoking outside taka, this guy came over to the couple beside us and showed them a pass.. as in a police pass.. wahlao. i was so fucking scared i swear.. i threw my cig away and hurry asked them to leave.. lucky i didnt get caught or something..

went over to holland. ate at sushi tei.. and cain came.. went to next for denise to be the blow dry model.. hahaha. how dumb. im really really sorry!!! i didnt know she does such horrid jobs. well im having second thoughts of letting next do my hair.. cos i think they kinda suck? not all.. but owell. shall stick to toni&guy and thehairshop. bestest of the best! hahaha.

went over to breko's and i saw enlai at walawala's.. and of all shit luck the breko's guy had to put our table right opposite enlai.. i hope he doesnt tell my bro that i smoke or something. cos that will mean the end of me.. well, maybe not.. since my brother hasnt been contacting my sister. enlai is helping me get a job in the theatre scene.. as a crew or something? not sure.. haha. he was damn funny. and i miss going out with him and danny. sigh. i will just laugh the entire day.. i like enlai kor kor cos he reminds me of my brother and the fun times we had when my bro brought me out.. enlai was like asking his friends to guess who's sister i am.. and he started this frank sinatra thingy.. new york new york thingy. lol. damn funnnny. and they guessed correctly that im danny's sister cos of my smile.. lol. one of them thought i was jerrald's sister.. which is like so uncalled for cos jerrald is like so................. gayish? hahahha. enlai says my bro doesnt really call him anymore too. so i guess im not the only one he hasnt been contacting.. makes me feel abit better. saw the church people at breko's too..

im in a very paint-my-nail mood now..

oh dont ever smoke two liners cigs. they suck..... seriously. everytime i smoke two liners, i will feel like puking. sick. till i gave cain my last 5 sticks cos it was that horrid. three liners, or cartier cigs please.

hahaha. i saw my father downstairs when i came home just now. he just came home too.. haha. lucky i wasnt smoking or something or that will be the end of me.

okay.. im going to go indulge in instyle mag and paint my nails.

was smoking alone (DUHH) in my room near the window.. and saw my bro's car.. hope he doesnt see the light of the cig man.. was thinking...... alot. okay. yar my sister has a point. i am like danny. so? ugh. gonna look for a job tomorrow to get my ass moving and to shut them up that i can look for a job with green hair. dear Lord, please let me get the job at surface.... let them be nice to me cos im danny's sister and they know my bro!

i was just thinking about my future, and i got so scared that i was so close to crying.. maybe im just thinking too much on my part.. agh. i should have just went out today. stayed at home for dinner and what did i get? another lecture from my sister and my brother in law. how fantastic. i swear my brother in law is such a pain in the ass. he was being so fucking direct and mean to me just now. agh. so what if im not working at philips anymore? fucking hell. that job is so fucking boring and its not me at all. he was making such a big fuss. and now my sis and bro in law wants me to color my hair. (read, GET RID OF THE GREEN) but hell, its making me wanna rebel more. no i wont. i was actually thinking of coloring it all black with pink streaks the other day.... but now? im going to actually keep the green hair to make them even more pissed with me. im fucking 17. i dont need you to tell me what color my hair should be. i dont need you to remind me that im jobless now. and furthermore, you arent even related to me. you're only my sister's husband. and my sister? just want to ruin alllll my days by giving me lectures everyday. i dont need this. im fucking turning 18 this year.

to you, the younger one.

why are you trying so hard to fit in,
when you're born to stand out?

dessi just called me and asked me whether i wanna cut my hair at 7pm tonight.. hair model for next at hollandvillage.. but my hair is already so short.. so nah. anyone needs a free haircut at either next salon or toni and guy, call me or something..

hellooooo? he doesnt look like joel can.. eeeyer. not even. he's wayyyyyy cuter and nicer. hahaha. :)

went to lasalle today with cat.. when i left my house, it was raining. now its raining still.. bah.

i got accepted into fashion management.. but im still thinking about it.. was talking to theresa jie jie.. she said facilities management is good.. sigh. i dunno.. damn confused.. my sister called me while i was on my way to town and decided to scold me again.. not really scold but the usual responsibility talk. and the similarities with danny talk.. and she made me cry on the bus. no or rather tear.. ugh.

went to town and watched big fish with cat, denise and jeremy.. the show was alright la. i dont really say its a must watch show.. oh yes and the part on the huanted house with the witch was really scary.

saw roy in cine and i stole his umbrella!!!! hahaha. owell. heh.

today has been a good day. im elated! :) haha. uoyekilikinhti. but i dont like the fact that you have split personalities. so which is the real you?

my eldest brother wants to be mean and come into my room twice to remind me to clear my shoes outside in the living room.. and its only 4 pairs there can? idiot. i want danny kor kor. i called him today and he didnt answer..

went to church feeling damn sleepy. and i kept talking rubbish today.. yes eve and hazel? so when am i free? "mondaytuesdaywednesdaythursdayfridaysaturdaysunday" and i said it damn quickly.. hahah..

went to suntec for the education and career fair.. got people ask me to be real estate agent.. lol. hahaha. and i lied to them that im SIXTEEN and they were so shocked.. and evelyn was so mean to this guy from monash. very mean.. so bitchy. i also cannot compare. hahah. and then sammy came.. walked around.. and they kept talking about me.. idiot. cos i kept commenting on alot of things.. i think i need to stop being so commentful. (right. as if there's such a word.)

i kinda made up my mind... i really wanna go to fashion management in lasalle.. but the thing is that my parents doesnt wanna pay for me cos they think that i'll just end up like danny.. switch from nafa to lasalle.. cos everyone thinks that danny and i are SOOOOO alike. which is true in some ways.. but well.. i love my bro so stop it! i hate it when my sis gets pissed with my bro and starts ranting on how irresponsible he is and how alike we are.. like.. hello? i will get affected can? and my sis wasnt much of a help when i told her that i wanna go to lasalle.. same thing. end up like my brother. is he in such a state of crap? ya he went to design school, joined the airlines, made loads of money, spent it all on branded goods.. having fun and all. but thats what i wanna do too! make money, do something i really like, and spend my money!!! and like hell, ya if the moe decides to give me a place in poly, i wont even like what i'll be doing.. i dont even like any courses offered in the polys. so why should i spend 3 years doing something i have no passion for, and waste my time? enlighten me someone? please.. just enlighten me.. and my sis smsed me sth like "then you go and get loan like dan cos we're not paying for you to quit school.. and do you know that im in svc now?" like hello? if you're in service, dont reply la. can wait rite.. and i dont really like my bro in law.. he's very irritating. keeps telling my mom to buy me a M card cos my bill is too high. ugh!

anyway. lunch was on sammy! hahah. at pasta mania.. and then john and denise came.. watched haunted mansion.. SUCKS SUCKS. HORRID SHOW. but i have to admit i was kinda freaked out at some parts though it was animated.. how dumb.

after which was holland with wai and kelvin. im going to be kelvin's tuition teacher for 30bucks an hour.. haha.. maths and chem.. should be can cos i gave jacob tuition for his N level last year too..

i keep having hiccups today. agh!

how should i approach the subject of lasalle to my family ( parents and that sister. ) in a mature manner?

just got home... hahah. just now jacob just wanted to be mean to his own daughter. wowwww. laughed alot.. haha.

eh i like my hair now... how?

hahhaa. im at john and jacob's house now and denise is next to me.. lets see....... dinner at sakae. heeren. goodness. i got food poisoning there 3 bloody years ago and i finally went there today... at least its not instant sushi!!!

wanted to catch a show but there wasnt any nice movies with nice enough timings.. hahah. and my elbow is at denise's breast now..... hahhahahahhaha. sat at rocky's hoping to see someone get whacked.. but we left larhs. hahahha. and i bought strawberry mentos... hahahhahahaa. how dumb. buying for a reason. lol. anywyyyyy. i think hes damn irritating. veryyyy. ugh. but.. hahahahhahahaha. im talking rubbish. pardon me.

then denise, john, joseph and i went shopping! hahaha. oh ya went over to mambo wisma.. saw the other joseph.. stupid idiot. and desmond said ive got nice hair.. hahahahha. yay. lol. unlike some stupid idiot. blarghs.

went to holland to have fucking expensive prata. 1 plaster, 1 honey, 2 cheese and 2 drinks cost us fucking ten bucks. lucky they didnt charge us for the grains of sugar we wasted........ haha.

and now im at jelepang which is so near my place but i dont know what time i'll be home.. how interesting.....

im not in a very good mood today. not at all.. ugh.. and its not even pms. hate it when im like that.. i tend to snap at everyone the whole day.

should i go out?

my sis bought my herworld and left it on my table.. how nice of her..

im really sleepy. plus im really broke. i think im going to stay at home today. on a saturday. yayy.

lets see.. tasha woke me up this afternoon.. just to ask me to play memory game with her.. silly girl.

went to down.. and slacked around. how interesting.. first denise and i were sitting at rocky's.. and then sasa came and joined us.. so we talked.. yadayada.. and then sasa left.. and we went over to leslie's table.. and talked again.. yadayada. then cj came.. and when we were about to leave cine, we saw trudy and rosanne.. and we started talking again.... and looking at this short gay indian guy. and also i was irritating joseph by stealing his phone. hrrms. then darryl came over and talked to us.. so we started talking again.. and then cj's sister came.. and we saw nathan!!!! hahahhaha. so glam ah. the car can just drive into e front of cine.. and so we went to have our dinner.. saw hazel, and started talking again.... wahh. so interesting ah. today was a very talking day.. bahhh.

went to ktv.. edric and amy came over.. and they are so nice.. edric, cj and her sis sent me home just now before they go home even though its more logical if they go home first and i drop off last.. checkers isnt as nice as i thought it would be.. hrrms.

hrrm. felt weird when i knew you were in cine but i didnt bump into you. why are you mixing with such people? you're worth so much more than them.. sigh. didnt know i could catergorise you under one of those. anyway. im not supposed to be feeling this way cos its not in the list. hahahhaha. watever. im talking rubbish.

fag. mocha twist. food. company.

time well spent.

evelyn and i were having this damn interesting conversation about what we want to be in future.. its damn funny. all the bimbo stuff said.. lol. and we were talking about all the stupid things we did.. sheesh. so long ago.. the starbucks thing, the dressing thing, everything..... lol.

well well.... i shall go be a nurse and cry everyday when a patient dies..
or go find a old and balding man.. marry him. and kill him. hahahhaha. rubbish.

before i left the house today, my mom was like..
"you like butch like that ah. wear like that.. hair like that.. you want to be boy is it?"

crazy? my shirt was so small. and i was carrying a tote bag. only gays use that can? makes sense? somemore i wasnt even wearing a bra today. how to be butch. butch must bind mommy.

hahah. met denise in heeren.. and then i saw samuel jie jie and he just want to be mean and tell me he needs to shit badly. idiot. we had to share a packet of fag since we're such poor souls.

hahaha. collected my confirmation slip from jon whose verrry nice to print it out for us. and then denise and i watched butterfly effect.. haha. damn scary. and its also funny at some parts.. the sound effects are good.. afterwhich we had to wait for cj's movie to finish.. and saw joseph and jeremy outside cheers. they just want to brag to me how cheap fag is overseas.. damn. and the two of them just wants to be mean to me and keep teasing me about my green hair. idiot. and then darryl, eric and hendy decided to join them too. all the fools. growls.

ooooer. went to breeks for dinner! hhahah. met edric there.. and he just wants to call denise and i the dog and the parrot. fool.

cabbed home with denise, cj and her sis.

im hungryyyy.

i woke up this morning to find the march 2004 issue of FHM on my table.. errr?!

i think i'd better leave right now. before i fall any deeper.

so i was just reflecting. lets say i get accepted into a polytechnic. will i be happy there? is that what i really enjoy? like ya it sounds fun after hearing that the particular course is damn slack.. yadayada. but so? i wont like it. i will be doing something that my family wants, (getting into a poly) and not something that i enjoy doing. does it make sense? so it all boils down to, do i do something that my family wants me to do, or do i go ahead with what i enjoy? or possibly will enjoy? this sucks. i wonder if i will still be getting my louis vuitton purse if i tell them my plans.

since the recent friday, a pack of marlboro menthol lights will cost consumers NINE FIFTY. thats fifty cents more to ten bucks. remember those times when we bought small packs of fag for ONLY $2.70? hard packs were only $5.30. and then the prices went up to $3.30 for a small pack. and then $3.90 for a small pack. and then $4.30 for a small pack. AND THEN THEY DISCONTINUED THE PRODUCTION OF THE FANTASTIC SMALL PACK OF FAGS. @#$% which meant that everytime we buy a pack, it makes us $8.50 poorer. now, its fucking ONE DOLLAR MORE!!! wahlao. if only small packs are still in production and they cost only $2.70.. how cheap. now you can only smoke like 5 sticks with that amount of money. and last time, it buys you 10 sticks.. well, if this is the government's way of making us quit smoking, its working. cos im gonna quit.

i want a good gay guy friend. they're nice, they're funny, they have great dress sense.. and on top of that, you're assured a 100% platonic friendship with them.

first time in weeks im home before dinner time.. amazing.

just got home.. from shell station with jacob and wai.. eating ice cream and chips.. hrrms..

well. went to ngeeann today. there was this really cute lecturer. serious. even denise thought so, so no excuses of not trusting my taste! went to holland after that and sat at breko's for like 5 hours? wth. haha. cj, wil and jason came down.. and we saw edmund, cat, wai, ian, azhar and jacob there..

im going to tp later. wish my luck. pray!!

my sis just sent me an email. no crying effect on me this time but its a damn 10k email. sigh. dunno what to reply..

im still very confused. dont know what to do in my life now. im like at crossroads. ugh!!

i had a really horrid nightmare last night.

i dreamt that i lost my wallet. my commes one.

i dont know what going to newcreation did to me.. it actually made me ponder alot. and i actually read the bible just now.. no idea why too. yupp. read matthew chapter 5-7. i chose it cos danny's picture was in between it.. and it kinda spoke to me.. in many ways.. and its kinda scaring me.. how relavant those 2 chapters are to me.. its like, knowing the basics all over again. am i making sense?

owell, so i finally picked up the jae booklet and read it.. i kinda decided what to do already.. ya. kinda prayed about it. hope im doing the right thing. but at the back of my mind, im still thinking of nafa or lasalle.

service was sjsm was good today. alrite la. at least i listened to the sermon. and worship was not bad.. after church my sis came to pick me up to new creation.. well.. i dont mean to be judgemental *rolls eyes* or what, but i personally found the service quite disturbing.. firstly, it doesnt look like a church.. no signs of any crosses. secondly, they added words to the bible.. as in the manipulated God's word.. thirdly, they dont tell you the scripture they're reading from.. yar. i just found it weird la. so did eve. hrrm. whatever.. dont think im gonna go there again. oh but the electric guitarist at newcreation was realllllllly damn good looking. haha. even my sister said so. whenever they featured him on the video, my sis and i will just look at each other and smile. lol. he's allllll that.

went over to novena for prawnnoodles!! with my sis and bro in law. how interesting.. well. shouldnt have went cos i kinda got a lecture.. my bro in law thinks that by me dying my hair green, im portraying to them that i want to rebel. and he thinks that im getting out of hand.. what the hell. went down to town to hand in my punch card... hope i get my pay soon. but it'll fucking take 3 weeks. damn. went over to scotts for awhile and rushed to thomson to my aunt's place.. oh yar.. guess what. i, as usual had to of all days have my period today while im out.. and so i asked my mom to go and buy a pack of 8 tampons for me.. and she happily went to buy a pack of THIRTY TWO tampons for me.. and last week i just bought like two packs of twenty tampons each which makes it FORTY tampons and in total, i have SEVENTY TWO tampons at home now. can open shop already.. haha.

my cousins were all at home.. great time bitching with melvin kor kor and zerlina jie jie. haha. oh yar was talking to them about school and all. they told me to not get into a course just so to please my family. get into something that will please me. and so i was thinking of apparel design in tp.. i dunno! im damn confused now.. very very very. sigh.

oh guess what this stupid girl here did.. my cousin was saying that my other cousin whose of same age as me cant possibly get into zouk cos he's underaged.. and i said to my cousin.. "but i went in before what.. other place also can.." IN FRONT OF MY MOM. how stupid can i get.. but i assured her that i know what im doing and that i control what im drinking and that im not smoking.. hope she doesnt tell my sister.

took many photos of me in my green hair with my cousin's digi cam just now.. lol. shall wait for her to send it to me..

what to do now? what course? its a lifetime thing. damn stressful! twoyearssevenmonths and counting...